I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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