if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
