I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
