i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
