And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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