whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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