did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
