you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
