he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
