does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am one with the molecules
The power of my boobs compel you
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
