Your face is a jimmy john
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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