i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
