You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
