dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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