imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize