What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
