so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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