Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
