May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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