This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
