I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize