Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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