So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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