I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
