capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I deserve this hangover.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
