My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
