Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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