Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
