Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
how do flat chested girls get laid?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
