i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
