That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
