It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
