I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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