Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
