put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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