so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
