is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I stole a fireplace last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
