The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
