recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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