That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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