so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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