The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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