Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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