the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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