So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
