i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
