honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
