yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
