Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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