we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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