last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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