if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
