Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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