So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
