i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
