I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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