I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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