all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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