I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
