I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize