is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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