Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
