Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
