Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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