And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
