I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
